I felt a thumping in my chest – a ghostly fake heart. I was so excited. And I began my final and longest journey alone. I started walking. Kept my pace. I walked up the driveway, through the walls of the house. Inside. Searching every room. So far, empty. No one home. I started feeling sad, worried, in the darkness it seemed as if some great bird had flown over and swept away what once lived here, with the shadow of its wing. But wait. Can you feel that? I entered the last bedroom on the left. There's an energy. So much life. The bedroom lights were off, and something lay lightly in the shadowed valleys of sheets on the bed, in blissful slumber. In nothing but boxers, there lay my prize of love for one single night, in a lifetime. Despite all his fame and all his power, Fergus looked so vulnerable and delicate here, just like any other 14-year old boy, obeying the rules of sleep and bedtime.I switched on the digital video camera and put it down on the side of the bed focused on. But as it was, I did none of those things, except to continue to shed my silent "Daddy tears." I never uttered a peep of protest. That's why he didn't stop, of course. He wasn't going to stop until he had gotten some sort of response from me.There is no sound on earth like that of a bullwhip striking flesh. Many have written about it, but they've obviously never seen it, and most certainly they've never experienced it. TV and movies don't even come close. Try to imagine hitting a piece of raw meat with a dull butter knife hard enough to cut. That's what the whip does. It strikes and grabs and digs in and rakes and tears and cuts, all in the span of a half-second. The first stroke hit with enough force to knock the air from my lungs. By the time the second struck, the pain from the first was just starting to build. And after the third, I quite frankly lost count. Silly for someone so proficient at math.I've tried to count them once or twice. It just can't be done. I stand, naked, in.
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